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We weren't ever really even together so I don't know why I'm so upset but... Two years is a long time. I grew accustomed to our lack of relationship, I guess. The fact that, I knew you were there if I needed you or wanted you. I think... That's the problem, I was never really sure. Even in the very beginning and then the mess with... I'm not gonna go there. I know is a touchy subject for you and I'm so fucking sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. That was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life...but where the fuck were you to stop me? no... you actually told him you were done with me and said he should go for it cause i was worth it. Guess what? We both fucked up. I had sex with one of your best friends. Multiple times. Honestly, he's better in bed than you are but I prefer being with you over him. I enjoy being so much more attractive and skilled than you are. I know you've wanted to know that for a long time now. I've got a surprise for ya though, you took my virginity! Congrats buddy and thanks! I've wanted to say that for a really long time. Anyhow, here we are and I've managed to fall for you. I know, I know... We said we wouldn't do that. I couldn't help it, what with you professing your love and being all sorts of... Convincing. What was I to think? Now you say you didn't want to hurt me? Ha. You suck. What's worse is how often I think about you and the fact that my room, my whole apartment, my dog, now even my shower is tainted. I can't get away from memories of you. I don't want to get away from you and I don't understand why you can't just be... Nice. Yeah. Be a normal fucking person, dude! Has that thought ever occurred to you? I mean... You were in my bed all night and you can't even say goodbye. Fuck you. The aftermath is almost over. Weekend is coming and I'm going to drink my weight in liquor. For the first time, in a really long time, I won't be drunk texting you. Your welcome. Goddammit, We fit. You know it, they know, I know it. It took a long time for me to admit it because I didn't want to, you scared me, but we do. They don't want to admit because they don't lie it. They know we could be really good. Put them all to shame. Or take them all down with us. I think you're the scared one now. I kind of hope you don't read this... Almost just needed a place to put the words. I know you're on here sometimes so if you do read this, just know how much I care about you and how hard it is to picture myself without you. I meant what I said, but I miss you.
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