Why in the Green Hell does "it" have to be like this sometimes
By it I mean life, specifiy mine, but I'm sure it's as common as a cold. Regardless, quick back story, so my wife of 3.5 years and I are putting the finishing touches on our relationship, have been separated for a little while, but she just found a place in NH where her family lives and she will be moving shortly. We are both to be splitting, mostly because of our 2-y/o son and having to share him between us, but it is absolutely the right decision for the happiness and emotional wellbeing of all 3 of us. Anyway, so here I am, at home, alone, bummed the fuck out and generally not interested in talking to anyone about my shit. Honestly though, I would love to talk to someone I just don't want to IM, text or talk over the phone to strangers, but I would absolutely love to have someone sitting next to me or across from me that I can just talk to, about anything frankly and hopefully not just about my situation. I would love to have someone to hold my hand, give me a hug, anything that feel like they actually give a damn because at this moment the biggest thing I'm missing is the same thing I've been missing in my relationship for 7 years and that is a genuine connection...something that eclipses disagreements and personality differences. What I want is something I have always wanted in whoever I'm with and that is the true and genuine desire to be, don't have to talk, don't have to find a reason to be together like dinner or a movie, just enjoy whatever space you are sharing together. Truth be told I don't know if I'm looking for a spring board into a relationship or not, there's still so much that isn't clear at the moment, but I think at the base level, I at least want a friend that isn't afraid to dig a heel in to help me remember that it's ok and it's going to be alright and this is only temporary pain on the road to eventual happiness. I hate myself for writing this shit and throwing up on the internet like this, but it's a fact that I could really use someone like that in my life and it doesn't have to mean that you want anything and it also doesn't have to mean nothing. I just want to take a step towards something because I feel absolutely stationary and that's not good when your already feel like crap. So, in conclusion, thank you internet, I'm sorry that you all had to read this garbage, but it's like a modern message in a bottle, I hope whoever finds it gives a fuck, but it sucks to be on an island, but it could be worse. Adios ;)